you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
