Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
