Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A bitchslap is in order.
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