i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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