i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize