she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
