That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
