Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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