Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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