U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
