I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize