I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
