I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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