It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
