I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
