Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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