Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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