you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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