she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
