I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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