Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
