The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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