I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
