I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
