his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
