just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
