he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
