Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
