do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
