you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
