It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
