Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize