Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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