I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
