booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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