you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
