i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
