if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
