Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
