i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
