Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
