is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found the puke drawer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize