my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
