omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
