How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize