I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
