I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
