The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
