Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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