One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
