Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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