help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
