Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
