my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
