some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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