I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize