If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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