It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
