you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
