I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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