If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
