I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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