i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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