Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
