i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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