I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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