just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
