I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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