I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
