Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
