Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
