i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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