Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
